Something Like the Stars

Reminders of opportunities missed hang heavy around my neck this morning. The days race away from me like a moving target and my day to day goals, sometimes hit, sometimes miss, leave no time to attempt an aim at something beyond. Something like the stars.

A million years ago I had dreams of being a photographer, a singer and musician, a world traveler. There was a time when I lived only for these dreams. I have journals filled these ambitions, the struggles to acheive them, and the dissapointment of them being out of reach.

I am an adult numerically, but a child spiritually. I have more dreams than responsibilities. But because I'm easily overwhelmed by dissapointment, I move forward at a snails pace. I'm stuck in a rut.

My world has been shaken up a bit these last few weeks, and I'm starting to evaluate my accomplishments. I'm a bit dissapointed with myself. 

It is imperitive to be an active participant in one's life. And surprising when you think about how few really are. Some let decisions choose them. Riding out deadlines like a game of chicken until choices are made for them. I'm guilty of this. It's very easy to wait for things to happen. To see where the day takes you and pray to the universe it's something you've been hoping for. Easy to deal with dissapointment when it's "beyond your control". But there are others, people with a better grasp of their abilities, that wait for nothing. Ones that make things happen, who don't wait, and don't care if the universe had them on it's agenda today. And those are the ones who gain it's favor, because they don't need to be led by the hand and comforted or  guided through each step.

Is it fair that some of us are given the tools early in life and shown how to utilize them, while others of us are not? Hell no. But it's the responsibility of the individual to find time, the energy and the motivation to be trained. Few people have it in them really. I refuse to be one of them.

I was told early in life that I could do or be whatever I wanted, but I was never told how.  I was never told how hard it would be. How much effort it would take.  I just assumed that if I wanted something bad enough, I would get it.  Well I can safely say that for people like me, the stars don't fall in your lap. And if they did, they wouldn't be worth nearly as much.