Signs of Aging

Warning: This post contains content that may cause followers older than I to groan collectively and roll their eyes, and those younger than I to furrow their brow in dismay at what is to come (but don't because it causes wrinkles).

This coming month will be the third into my 28th year. It was brought to my attention by a close friend's mother that I am no longer "pulling twenty" but "pushing thirty". I attended my 10 year reunion. Pictures were posted to facebook that revealed the aging process in all it's graphic horror to me and 245 members of my friendslist. The calls of "girls night out", "let's hit the town" and "dude! Party at so-and-so's house" are becoming less and less appealing.  No longer can this girl pull an all-nighter and drag her sorry behind into work the next day. I've experienced two out of the top three worst hangovers in my life these past few months from a few nights of social drinking at the house with friends. My alcohol tolerance, once something to boast about among references to my irish heritage, has been replaced by a "light-weight-Mconebeer" reference.

Could I be getting *gulp*.............old?!

I suppose the previous paragraph may lead one to conclude that heavy drinking was once ranked in the top of my priorities...but in all honesty, I'm the mother of a 7 year old. I've been lucky if I made it out once a month, though once every two or three is more accurate. I must confess however, that after every stressful workday or the end of a long week, I was known to bemoan my responsibilities and express longing for a night out. Now, I just pray for a nap during evening football practice, and look forward to the quiet between my son's bedtime and my own.

The flip side of these shocking revelations being, that the swiftness of the passing time no longer goes unnoticed. I have taken stock of the velocity of my life and google mapped my progress.
I'm only about oh........a billion miles from where I had intended to be.

That being said, my path may not have been paved with shiny gold stars proudly pronouncing my worldly accomplishments but I will tell you what I did stumble upon along the way.  A Scarecrow, a Tinman, and a Lion! Just joshing... But no really (and here comes the gooey stuff), I was met by an amazing individual who taught me how to overcome the insidious giant of discontent. One who gazed at me with assuming eyes, and ordained me something awesome. I was entrusted with the care of a child grown from naivety and narcosis, who in turn granted me the experience and clarity that I lacked. And in return, I gave him my heart entire.

That and financial support for the next 11-15 years. Then he's on his own.
The point of my blog being this really, that the color of young adult-hood blanches over time, to be replaced by something amazing and oftentimes as painful.

The end.

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky?" "I think so Brain, but burlap chafes me so!"

It's really difficult to form thoughts with the Animaniacs playing in the background. Half of me wants to throw the t.v. off the balcony and the other half wants to sit down and watch the entire episode and attempt to decipher what my son finds appealing.

This d.v.d needs to mysteriously dissapear.

So I survived my cousins wedding. It was a back yard affair with hay bails and lifted pickup trucks. Lots of homemade eats and beer being consumed while waiting for the cerimony to commence. It was casual and fun, with a perplexing mix of humanity in attendance.  The bride was beautiful and happy and real. Sometimes when women put on a wedding dress, it's hard to spot them under the foof and flowers...but there she was. Smilin' big and hootin' her way down the aisle to her man. Her mom confided to me the day before that my cousin was waiting for someone just like her step-dad. And she found him alright. Sweet and goofy and totally aware that his bride was utterly amazing. I spent the cerimony planted in the middle of the aisle with a video camera trying to capture everyone's expressions, and the look on his face was proof of that. He knew he'd hit the jackpot. I mean, I had to wipe the couple's slobber off the camera lense for pete's sake!

My cousin has always been a person I admired. She is charismatic to the max. I mean, wow! This girl has personality. She is hilarious and has brought me close to needing a new change of drawers more than a few times. And not only is she fun...she is downright sickeningly sweet.  I can't recall a time I've heard the girl gossip or make a snide remark.  She is comfortable with herself and lives her life admirably. Her two children couldn't have chosen a more loving mother.

This has got to be the first wedding I've left with a bit of optimism about the possibility of finding someone who might be a match to my own crazy/awesomeness someday. Stranger things have happened I suppose...

Blessed domestication and other fairy tales

Today is the first day in months that I have most of the day to do what I will. I of course feel obligated to get things in order for school to start next week. However, I'm finding it difficult to muster the motivation to get moving.

I'm one of those self diagnosed ADD individuals that like things clean and orderly and routine, yet am baffled  by how to make it happen. I stare at my trailing list of things to do and I balk like a deadbeat dad in the face of child support enforecement. It's awesome.

So forgive me as I stretch this post out while I enjoy my coffee and Slacker Radio.  The kiddo knows that when mom is typing she's in time out.

Tonight my younger Lady Cousin is getting her hitch on.  We have children close to the same age, though now she has a second awesome baby cousin riding her tail.  Things are working out for her just like she hoped and this girl is super stoked for her.  There is something about weddings that could make even ghandi insecure. I am single mostly by choice. My choice being that I find good times on my own and refuse to be with a d-bag.  Sometimes I try to picture myself married and another 9 months or so of being a mobile incubator. All I can say is it would take a damn incredible man to convince me cohabitation is not a method of torture. But then I'm a closet idealist. If such a man existed...I wouldn't take much convincing.

"And now, cried Max, Let the Wild rumpus start!"

I promised to  name my blog after the first song I heard that made sense to me.

Entire. Inspire. Down to the last wire.
She was a fountain pen.  -Sufjan Stevens "Woman at the Well"

I don't claim to be a writer. I don't claim to have much in my head worth reading, but I do know that these thoughts that filter through my noggin need direction and so here. we. are.

I won't waste space today on my history or which roads I took to get here, because this is where I stand and that's all that matters.

The thing that is on my mind tonight is refuge. I wear alot of hats. No more than most moms my age, but today I found myself needing a space all my own, and since that isn't a physical possibility, I'm clearing out some clutter in my mind for room to just be still and be me.

Sometimes I forget that I have a responsibility to preserve the parts of me that I'm proud to be. The parts that maybe don't get their time in the sun like they should. The artist and the dreamer and the out there girl that has learned to be mostly happy in her skin after a billion or so years of fighting it. Somewhere outside of this screen I'm busy being all the things I'm needed to be. I spend days at a time wearing scrubs and my hair restrained in a pony tail driving a car filled to the window sill with football gear, movies to be returned and the debris of a million other errands to be ran.It's a full on MARATHON keeping up with Mr. "Wild Thing". 

 I'm not the "with-it" kinda mom I brush elbows with at school functions.  I have the best intentions, but somehow, I'm always rushing. Always a little behind schedule and missing half the things needed to get through the day. But we do it. We're that 2nd place team happy to be getting a participation trophy. We survived the season and found a little bit of fun among the chaos.

I envy them, the moms that can find BOTH shoes in seconds flat. I have a plan to get there in the near future....it of course starts tomorrow.