She was mostly consumed by the desire to figure it all out...that girl I used to be. Too young to be tired but too old not to see that the world was not handed to people like me. And behind the mechanics where things aren't always so clean she lingered, curious and and anxious to see. Where life is dazzlingly seedy. Smoke filled and neon. She ate it up and called it life though whatever it was slipped right between her fingers in mockery of her nonchalant acceptance. And the pictures will show you the joke was on her. Bright eyes so out of place in a realm of vacant stares. And when times changed and her world shrank into not easy but something close to comfort she got to know tired. She got to know gravity. She came to know balance little by little and that girl became me. I look at the pictures of a smile before it came to know joy and still find myself envious. Because what she had was simple. But if a person lays in the dark as many hours as I have searching the corners of my heart as I have... You don't wake to the morning in dread. You groan and you work out the stiffness of the new day and then you dive in and you seek out your joy. You don't let it find you.
That's the difference between her and me.
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